volcomegirl90

Thu, 15 May 2008 06:07:54 GMT

well today was long I woke up early and went to school but first I took a shower and talked to vince cuz he called me super early today but for some reason he hasnt called me today well maybe he is talking to nadia so whatever I wish I could date him though he is awesome and totally the guy I would want or wished for but I dont know so today I went to see cory and it was ok I knew what all he wanted and that was sex but whatever so we had sex and went swimming and what not but some reason he is so lazy and I hate it he never wants to do anything anymore and it just isnt the same anymore I mean he never wants to take the bus with me anymore or go out with just me and him its just I kinda feel like were forcing something thats not there anymore

lets sing all the songs that we know

Tue, 13 May 2008 01:39:17 GMT

so its been a while since I wrote in my journal at least to me I feel that way I have so much to write about first it has to start off with me and cory and everything and then I'll get to the good part so ok I moved in with cory cuz my mom kicked me out again and then I moved back with my mom cuz cory and I got into this huge fight cuz of the shooter and video game problem and well I mean I wish he would share those things with me and stuff and well a lot of things have happend and stuff and well vince and I have been talking and stuff and so on saturday he called me and I was so excited and stuff cuz he picked me up and took me out for a crunch berry drink at starbucks and stuff and it was the most amazing drink ever and I loved the night with him I had so much fun and I hope I'm not falling for him again I dont want to and plus we both have ppl that we love and I know that I have no chance with vince but whats awesome is that we have so much in common and stuff in music and everything and he makes me laugh so much its awesome and everything he always makes me smile and stuff and well I dont know maybe I am starting to like him again and like I said I dont want to becuz right now I'm thinking I dont want to leave cory and then wonder what could have been I mean I love cory so much but its just things are different and vince and nadia have been together for 3 years and they love eachother so much so yea but anyways so Im caught in a triangle a very weird triangle I feel like I'm in that one show laguna beach where lauren likes stephen but he likes kristin so I dont know whatever I never know hmm

I didnt come back to california for this

Thu, 08 May 2008 03:43:56 GMT

yea I guess I dont know what to say I have so much shit on my mind to even write out what I'm feeling I dont know I mean so much has happend that I dont have anyone to talk to about it so I'm writing it out first of all of how this whole situation started out long story short (chicago)
then another power point (seperation) and during the whole time I was fighting to be with the one that I love and well things are different in not best of ways and today especially bothered me and I mean whoever doesnt want cory and I to be together and what not well their wish is soon going to be granted I mean I love him but I'v been feeling lately ppl are trying to tear us apart and if I say something I'd be wrong about the whole thing I mean ok I know I am the gf and as for his friend he has to get a life of his own I mean when I got back here I thought cory would want to restore everything but everyone tells me erika make your own life leave cory alone go be with your friends theres other things than being with cory well if I keep hearing that pretty soon things will change in not a good way and I told cory I feel that there is something bad going to come and its not going to be good and I cant believe he doesnt seen anything wrong but whatever like he told me today nothing will be the same I'm such a child

MY SET GOALS

Tue, 06 May 2008 04:15:59 GMT

1.get my G.E.D
2.go to cosmotology school
3.get an apartment
4.save money for a car
5.save more money
6 have good credit
7 have a good savings
8 have an organized healthy home
9 live a healthy life
10 get married
11 have a family
12 be happy

well blah I dont think I should do this anymore

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 19:37:16 GMT

well I'm here with cory and my mom tells me that if I come home crying or upset then I cant see him anymore but I'm going to try to coem home with a smile as hard as I can so I can see him things are just not going to change ever and if its not then why am I here

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 02:53:26 GMT

well I'm at corys and just here waitin for him to get out of work and so blah I can say I'm bored and whatever and my mom said that no more coming home crying from being with him or I cant see him anymore I guess I cant blame her cuz its happening around her and shes worried about me and stuff and whatever and well I dont know I hope it gets through his head that he cant be treating that way anymore and stuff and whatever I dont know I miss jessie and I'm glad I got to talk to her this afternoon I miss her dearly and cant wait to see her and stuff so ok whatever bye

whatever whatever eh

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 21:41:53 GMT

so blah I dont know what to write I'm so blah I have a plan though thats something for me but eh I guess everything is stupid ugh why is my confidence so shot down why am I so shot down I guess two ppl feel the same way and if they feel the same why shouldn't they seperate becuz it would make them happier I don't know but what I do know is that I want to get my drivers permit and finish my G.E.D and hope that I can do it even though I'm not trying to sound negative and I know I am but I am horrible at math and becuz of that I will never pass anything I really want to be a hairstylist but everything was just screwed up and it sucks but I'm going to give it my best becuz I ned to be a successful person for me to be good later in life in the future to live well at least decent then what I had and hopefully everything would be good and stuff for me and what not I have a plan and I'll write it down and maybe it'll happen who knows whatever I highly doubt it and everyone else doubts me and my relationship is in a shit hole and not progressing or anything but whatever I wish things would get better maybe i should leave the relationship I'm in if its not we both want it would be better and the two ppl would be happier

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 15:58:41 GMT

well I dont know I guess to top everything off my weekend wasnt the funnest with cory I really didnt like it I mean we faught adnd it sucked I thought last weekend was fine but I guess whatever I dont know I really want to be with him but not him and everyone else I'm not for that but apparently he cant get it so I'm going to break up with him when I get home becuz I'm pretty sure I'd be happy without him I mean I cant get happy with him he doesnt make me feel happy at all but whatever I guess he doesnt care .

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 07:59:02 GMT

ok so things havent been going good at all and I'm getting a little tired of it to the point where I'm about to say I cant do this anymore like fighting with me and I'm tired of it and I cant fight with him anymore and its just I dont know whatever I guess its never going to change so today I caught up with an old friend named Daniel and well it was pretty good I'm glad I met up with him and it was pretty good he's pretty laid back chilling kind of guy and its cool I like that about him he seems like the fun person to be with but to young for me he'd put me in jail lol but whawtever I'm looking for another relationship after cory I think I'd like to be alone to find myself and find who I am cuz really all I think about is the future with him but thats all it is is me wanting the future for him and I and I really think he doesnt think about our future only him and his friends but he doesnt realize that you cant have your cake and eat it too but then I dont know I guess thats me but you know the only good outcome from all of this is that I got to see my crush from sophomore year

it sucks

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 05:33:11 GMT

yea my relationship sucks with cory its like happy anymore I mean I cry everytime I'm with him and maybe onc in a big while I'll be happy with him and everything but I dont know whatever I have so much stuff on my mind and I dont know sometimes I want to leave him so bad cuz of how much he makes me cry and I love him so much I love him more than the world itself I love him without money or anything and well things I guess arent the same anymore and its sad I cant believe we lost so much happiness together I dont know I mean I love him so much I cant even stand being in another room without him and I really dont see the difference in relationships and ours I mean ours is supposed to be normal but it isnt ours I dont know its just sad and depressing and I dont know I mean what happened to us why are we like this I ask myself that question all the time and it never gets answered or maybe it does or something I dont know I guess what I felt for him is dying cuz how its getting mistreated and the more it does the more I fall away and when I fall away I wont come back until he thinks about the things he's done

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 05:26:12 GMT

I do what I'm asked .

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 18:56:40 GMT

I hate that I do what I'm asked and its like I cant control myself everyone else has to why cant I speak up oh yea I forgot everyone shuts me out but why though I hate that ugh I'm so easy to bring down I hate that to why am I so worried about who I am how can I change myself I wish I could go through surgery and they would switch my brain to a nice girl who doesnt care about anyone else I feel like I'm going to scream to the world cuz thats all I can do no one will listen not even my boyfriend and then if I tell him things that he deos he gets so angry but he has to know what he does to me and its so wrong I cant say I dont know anymore cuz I do its just frustrating and difficult nothing is improving at all becuz it cant why cant I say that is it becuz I love him so much and I just cant say anything mean to him I mean I'm always trying to speak my mind why is everyone hurting so much and the big thing is why is my protector hurting me and he doesnt care everything is just going to continue and its not going to stop maybe I should leave him maybe I'll be happier I think I will but I'll be torn up inside becuz I love him and I know he will threaten me with breaking up so yea but whatever I dont know I guess all I'm good for is sex to him

Writer's Block: Saturday Night

Sat, 05 Apr 2008 07:23:45 GMT

How are your Saturday nights different now than they were five years ago?

View other answers

I was with my friends every weekend and now I spend all my time with my boyfriend .

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 19:08:16 GMT

theres no subject to this but I'm blah I have so much that I want to say and cory says that he's there for me to talk to him but really he doesn't understand at all I hate it the thing is this I mean he needs his own life and I guess I need my own to but the thing is I made him life becuz I love him I mean my center of me but then if he was who would I be in public by myself hi how are you um hi I'm erika oh so he whats up nothing much I really like that ice cream oh yea my bf likes this my bf likes that but what do I like I seriously do need to make my own and leave him alone so whatever blah

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 00:28:49 GMT

so today is blah becuz well I dont know I guess I'm bored or something but well I have to stop being that way becuz if I'm bored I eat like theres no tomorrow and I know I have to stop becuz if I dont I'm just going to gain weight like the way I was before but whatever so I'm going to make this a routine that I will walk to school everyday and my brother will pick me up from school so that way I dont get hurt or anything at night but I have to do this so that way I wont gain weight and then I have to cut back on how much outside food I eat and drink a lot of water like I did so yea so anyways thats what I'm going to do and eat little somethings here and there of outside food and just eat of whatever I can find here at the house so I can maintain myself cuz well I need my cloths

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 05:28:22 GMT

I feel like I cant do anything cuz I'm encouraged that I cant do anything and that I cant fill anything out or do anything for myself I feel like everyone is treating me like if I was born yesterday or I'm dumb or whatever what is wrong with me sometimes I wish I dissapeared I mean becuz all I am to everyone is someone that everyone can give crap to like today I knew I had to go to my G.E.D prep thing and stuff to do my prep test so yea whatever I did it but my mom was like treating me like a dumb person whatever I dont care anymore theres nothing I can do or say cuz apperently everytime I try to say something its either stupid unsmart like everyone else or childish or imature whatever I dont fucking care anymore I'll just keep my mouth shut why do people think I'm so quiet or keep my mouth shut cuz then something comes back to me and hurts me

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 06:06:49 GMT

my amazing fiance Cory,Cosmetology, ice cream comic books video games boomers the color purple lexy music movies crushmollysunshine boys girls friends highlighters pizza vegetarianism poka dots making cloths band shirts my shoes my shoe laces the colors of the rainbow going out love happyness babes in toyland holloween parties shows the beach the rain thunderstorms shooting stars staying out at night cherry coke M&Ms in the chocolate chip cookies big M&Ms candles being a nice person little boy cloths dork off-roading traveling long car rides the third floor parking lot the movie theatre the mall famous philosopher quotes interior designing the color pink t.v sleeping the sunset winter my wrist band painting my sister gabby my mom irene NIN googoodolls the cardigans poetry running around my notebook sun bus puppies rats fun socks laughlin monster trucks paulyshore rachel bilson adam brody comedy movies roller coasters target wal-mart at night ren and stimpy rocko's modern life ducttape happy faces goofy goober ahhh.. real monsters feeding the ducks placebo sour worms vinyls volcom AMP clothing magazines nickelodeon mag smash mag writing sewing pins patches swimming cardigan sweaters walking around the citythe park laying on the grass looking at the sky phsycology my purple furry pillow dancing in my underwear sex hair after having sex with my love of my life cory

first of all

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 03:50:21 GMT

I'm not for this of what I'm about to say I feel that my boyfriend only wants me around just so he can feel my presence and as long as he feels that he's ok and he can do whatever he wants which I kinda feel like thats not all right thats not what I'm for I feel like I live with my brother someone who underestimates me and doesnt want me to move on I got that so much living with my family I mean I hate that they think that I'm the dumbest person they have ever met I hated being that and I was hoping not to go through that anymore but I still do I dont know what is it with me that I just have those people around me so much I dont know well anyways i'm moving out from where I'm living with cory but its ok I dont know cory doesnt care so why should i but whatever

Writer's Block: I'm Ashamed of...

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 23:56:50 GMT

What are you ashamed of?

View other answers

having a boyfriend who is obessesed with video games and wont shut it off when I come in the room or stop it for a couple of minutes but he'd do it for everyone else its like if whatever I say doesnt even matter and I'm so ashamed of him becuz he's so imature I wish he would grow up

Fri, 07 Mar 2008 19:15:26 GMT

my days havent been the best slowly me and cory are growing apart I can feel it everyday I mean things are different now between him and I and I dont think things are going to ever be the same like last night he wishes that we can go back to the way that we used to be but that will never happen the way he is we will not be happy again we wont I can feel that we are not going to develop that ever again its not going to happen and I dont know what to do anymore .

Writer's Block: All in the Family

Fri, 07 Mar 2008 19:07:48 GMT

How do you think having siblings (or not having siblings) affects who you are as a person?

View other answers

I would be lonely I wouldnt have anyone to talk to and I'm glad I have my sister shes like my therapist and she helps me out and I'm glad I have her cuz then I would be seriously depressed if I didnt have her so Ia think it changes you as a lonely person and a happy person to have them to interact with

the forgotten girl pt 2

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 21:58:35 GMT

I have noticed something in my entire life everyone treats me like a little girl like everything is dangerous do this and well knowing me I follow the rules thats what made me rebel in the first place I was tired of being treated that way and watching myself get put down by others well everyone looks higher than me what the hell is wrong with me why do ppl do this or is it blaming ppl I shouldnt be blaming I'm so stupid what the hell why do I cry when I get put down how are you supposed to take it how does someone live being verbally not good I feel so unhealthy pinched up whatever never better 18 right fuck it

the forgotten girl

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 21:37:22 GMT

I really dont know what to write about blah I have nothing to write about I guess or maybe who knows I'm so blah I feel so meaning less like not worth anything like whatever I guess I get like this when I'm not doing anything all I'm doing is waiting but waiting for what I guess I dont know I feel like all I'm doing is gaining weight and not doing anything healthy for myself my arms feel like I'm getting gorilla arms and my boyfriend I love him but doenst want to do anything with me and then another thing I noticed wait long pause I forgot what I was going to say blah 18 right getting old why cant I be young for eternity like a vampire what the hell I dont get it

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 20:37:12 GMT

things tat I'm determined to do tone my belly and find a job get a G.E.D and hopefully I do get a drivers license and all that stuff so ok the week is going to be filled with things to do

cat like theif mhmm

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 22:54:06 GMT

"Cat Like Thief"

Featuring Tim Armstrong and Jordan Pundik

I fell down again
But I can't complain
Another false step
Could drive me insane
I only got myself here to blame
So I shake off the seat and I start again
Oh no I said I wanna go back
But I can't win the shit
And I'm gonna stay on track
Yeah, make a deal like that
I keep my head up but I never react

I wrote it down, a list a month ago
16 chapters of one thing you've blown
The best thing yet to help you
Through and through that she was
I feel her more than you

Don't leave
Don't leave her

(Yeah!)
I get up
Just to get knocked back down
I sit up
Just to get knocked all around
I wanna say something
But your out of town
I don't wanna have another
Short down say stand up (hey, yo)
Let's make it clear follow you home (no)
You were not there you saw him coming (jump)
You disappear home alone every night
Seems so clear you think you see me here
All alone got my crew coming now
One by one
Two by two
Three by three
Four by four
Let's do some more

Call me back when word is that she's gone
Cat like thief she stole air from my lungs
Leave me standing on this lonely grave
I dug it out in case she turns away

(Don't leave, don't leave her [in the background 'til the end of song])

Don't leave, don't leave, don't leave her [x8]

You think you see me
all alone
Got my crew coming
one by one
Two by two
Three by three
Four by four
Let's do some more

Don't leave, don't leave, don't leave her [x4]

volcomegirl90

lets sing all the songs that we know

I didnt come back to california for this

MY SET GOALS

well blah I dont think I should do this anymore

whatever whatever eh

it sucks

I do what I'm asked .

Writer's Block: Saturday Night

first of all

Writer's Block: I'm Ashamed of...

Writer's Block: All in the Family

the forgotten girl pt 2

the forgotten girl

cat like theif mhmm

"Cat Like Thief"

Featuring Tim Armstrong and Jordan Pundik

Thanks to rebecca (beckalesley04@hotmail.com), katherine (tom_delonge_is_sexxy@hotmail.com) for correcting these lyrics